Ladies and gentlemen, we have a drawn out primary!

And Newt and Mittens look like the two strongest candidates from here on out. And right now, both run campaigns by admonishment. Newt preaches work ethic and laments redistribution of happiness to hedonists:

“Happiness in the 18th century meant wisdom and virtue, not hedonism,” Gingrich says without a scintilla of embarrassment, even though he, himself, has pursued a fair amount of hedonism in his lifetime. “And they promised us the right to pursue,” Gingrich continues. “There is no provision for a Department of Happiness. They issued no happiness stamps. And if you said that you were going to take happiness from some and distribute it to others, the Founding Fathers would have asked by what right?”

While Mittens' is apparently pushing back against questions about his business history by appealing to the successful douchebag wing of the Republican party:

“The Republican Party doesn’t demonize prosperity," Romney declared. "We celebrate success in our party.”