RILFs and RINOs

Anyone who knows me knows that the most important part of my life is my daily perusal of political porn. Last night, I was reading a particularly saucy piece on Politico about the townhall backlash against Rep. Paul Ryan's budget proposal when the tightness in my pants made me aware that the accompanying photo really showcased the House Budget chairman's best, uh, assets. Dreamboat Paul Ryan has already been noted for his youthful good looks and wonkish dedication to policy, but this is the first I've seen or heard of his tight ass.


And as exciting as it is for the politics junkie in me to catch a glimpse of the taut and supple amid the parade of wrinkled and grey, I'm noticing a disturbing trend: all the hot members of Congress are Republicans. Remember Republican Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts? If you didn't know that he was the successor to liberal icon Ted Kennedy, you might remember him as the senator who once posed nude for Cosmo. I may have been dismayed to see the conservative "dark horse" candidate come from behind to win Kennedy's old Senate seat, but if I had to admit defeat to anyone, it would be the dark stud coming at you from behind. The Tea Partiers who elected him are now calling him a RINO over his vote to keep funding Planned Parenthood, but to me, anyone to the right of Mary Landrieu is fascist, so he's squarely in the Republican camp in my book. If anything, he's a RILF.


I saved the Congressman that I'd most like to fuck, Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Illinois), for last.


With pecs and six-pack abs like that, one could almost overlook his medieval, virulently homophobic positions. Is his chest waxed?


Then there's this photo of Congressman Schock at a White House picnic, where the dress code probably demanded that he cover up that delicious torso of his in clothing. After this picture made the rounds in all the gay Hill staffers' inboxes, Aaron Schock took to twitter to proclaim, "Never thought a pic of me w/ my shirt on would go viral. Learned my lesson and burned the belt." Burn the cerulean belt? That's so dramatic! Why doesn't he just set himself on fire? That's the only sure way to get rid of the flamingo pink shirt, crisp white pants, and sculpted Adonis body too.